I have felt so much frustration lately. Maybe it’s the change in weather here in Ontario. Summer has left and Jack frost is making his way in. I’m not a fan of the cold. Why in the world did my Grandparents immigrate to such a cold country?! I often feel I should be on a beach somewhere, soaking up the sun and heat. Maybe the frustration I have felt is from the constant mess in my home that comes with having 4 children, a dog and the home renovations that seem to be taking way too long.
But last night as I stood in my kitchen and watched the ‘chaos‘ that was happening in my home, I felt this overwhelming sense of GrateFULLness. I am looking at this all wrong, I thought to myself. I’m complaining about this chaos instead of embracing it. At that moment I had an “AHA” moment. You know that moment….that if you don’t stop to really notice it, it will disappear forever.
That moment, that when it hits, it’s like running into a brick wall and it brings tears to your eyes and this overwhelming feeling of amazement. It was one of those Aha moments for me.
It came from standing there and observing my life. I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I looked down at the mess on the floor, the dishes in the sink, that my 7 year old was attempting to clean up. The pictures on the fridge that my 8 year old worked so hard at colouring inside the lines and making it perfect, then so proudly displayed on the front of fridge. My 11 and 12 year old, daughter and son, quietly playing on their devices, while sitting on the air mattress that has become their temporary couch. Why are they on an air mattress in the middle of the room?? It’s because I gave all our living room furniture away to make room for the new furniture coming once this renovation is complete. My husband rolling the new paint on the newly sanded walls. My sweet dog, Payton, sleeping quietly in the corner on her faux fur Blanket looking so peaceful. In that moment, while I looked around and observed all of this, I realized this is what I had always dreamt of!
When I was a little girl, I dreamt of all of this, this was my dream come true.
Kids that filled my home. Mess everywhere, laughter and even children fighting, as they often do…ok lets be real….That they do on a daily basis. Loud music playing and toys that covered most floors in my home. A home full of character and charm. That I built with my own two hands. A husband that always makes a point to tell me he loves me, every chance he gets and brushes his hand along my body every time he walks by me. This is the ‘chaos’ I have always dreamt of and that I now have. For that I am Gratefull.
I know my life may look like Chaos to anyone looking in. But you know what?! I wouldn’t have it any other way. I choose this. This is what makes my heart happy & full. I may get frustrated, I may cuss a little (but I still love Jesus) but I am always grateFULL. Grateful for the mess, the dirty little finger prints on my mirror, the toys scattered on the floor in every room, the drawings my children so proudly display on the fridge (even when I don’t want more clutter where I can see it) the piles of laundry and the dirty dishes that fill my kitchen.
This is what makes my house a home and this is my dream come true!